Monday, October 25, 2004

Big Pining

Jason’s note: I wrote this story after chatting with Jenny for hours on Sunday. The original Work of Pining was undertaken by myself, most recently on Saturday night. A durational piece, started in adolescence, it will most likely continue intermittently until I:

Locate deep kisses
Find something more pressing to pine about
Lose my ability to pine
Death intercedes

(I recognise that the last possibility takes care of the others, although, knowing my luck, I will return as The Pining Ghost, forced to wander round some English stately home for eternity, scaring generations of cleaning staff and caretakers)

Having established the provenance of my pining, can we please move on? I’m so tired. With this world of work, I feel like my mind is ransacked nine hours a day by people who couldn’t care less about me if they went on intensive training courses. I want to move on to dedicating this completed little story, Big Pining, to Jenny, in return for… well, in return for things I don’t need to make a little list of.

Big pining
I lay in bed, pining for deep kisses.
I broke off for a few seconds.
I couldn’t think of any strategy for bringing deep kisses nearer.
I was here, out there in the world were deep kisses. Many girls had them, waiting inside, waiting to come out. But maybe not with me. Maybe I was not top of their list. Maybe I wasn’t even on their list. Maybe girls didn’t even have lists, and I was so far out in my thinking it was untrue.
I pondered this.
Well, some girls may have lists and some may not.
If they had lists, was I on them?
What number on their list was I?
Was I struggling near the bottom?
How could I improve my rating?
And the girls without lists, what were they thinking of? Were they just waiting to be asked? What would happen if I asked them for deep kisses? Could you do that without being introduced? How long after being introduced was it okay to ask? “I’ve had a great five minutes, now, please, can we have a few deep kisses before I reach the front of the checkout queue? Please hurry, the man in front is only buying eggs.”
If I had any friends who had deep kisses, I would ask them. But I don’t. Oh wait, sure I do. Two friends, and they’re married. To each other. They have deep kisses on tap, at least, I think they do. Would there be any other reason to be married? No, I don’t think she’s pregnant. They are the lucky ones. The rest of us lie awake pining for deep kisses. Or do we?
Maybe I’m the only person on Earth pining for deep kisses tonight…
Maybe I’m the only person in the whole Universe pining for deep kisses tonight…
Or maybe aliens pine, too. Maybe they pine even harder, and with less chance of success, because, who knows, maybe they don’t even have mouths.
Poor aliens.
I’ve got more in common with an alien with no mouth than with those girls with their beautiful lips and their deep kisses, waiting inside.
Maybe I got my personal destiny all wrong, and I’m not meant to design websites.
Maybe I am meant to build a rocketship and fly into outer space and hang out with mouthless aliens. We could all pine together.
In time, perhaps, I’d become their leader.
They could have a long and complicated ceremony where they stitched my mouth closed, or removed it entirely using advanced surgical techniques currently unknown on Earth.
I would stand their with my mouth gone, tears in my eyes.
Everywhere I looked, aliens would be bending down, paying homage to their new leader, the man in the homemade rocket ship who pined even harder than them about his lack of deep kisses.
I would rule benvolently. Taxes would be low.
I broke off from these thoughts.
Feeling slightly stronger, I resumed my pining for deep kisses.

5 Comments:

Blogger bhikka said...

Wow, that was fantastic! Best kiss I have ever had.

2:27 PM  
Blogger bhikka said...

You might find deep kissing aliens on OKcupid.com (fully free dating site)

2:35 PM  
Blogger bhikka said...

You might find deep kissing aliens on OKcupid.com (fully free dating site)

2:35 PM  
Blogger bhikka said...

You might find deep kissing aliens on OKcupid.com (fully free dating site)

2:35 PM  
Blogger kingfelix said...

you are at it again with the multiple comments

2:40 PM  

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