Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Fighting the Duke of Gloucester

I am not a fan of the aristocracy. Before Prince Harry was out of Swastika-clad diapers, I had already refined my loathing for the British upper classes to a finely honed point. So any public humiliation or personal misfortune that besets an aristocrat, is, for me, a sign that the Creator has not forsaken us, that he still cares enough about the Average Joe to bring us such delights.

This week it is the turn of The Duke of Gloucester (pictured below)

The BBC report that:

The Duke of Gloucester has resigned as president of the Institute of Advanced Motorists after receiving a driving ban for speeding in December last year.

The institute cancelled his membership immediately after the six month ban by magistrates in Ely, Cambridgeshire.

I sent a good-natured taunt to the Institute of Advanced Motorists:

Hello, i am interested in driver safety. with this in mind, could you please ask the Duke of Gloucester at what times he tends to drive his car, and of typical routes he likes to take, as i should like to avoid his lunatic antics on britain's highways at all costs.

your help is appreciated


A gentleman called Bryan Lunn from the IAM responded with the following:

Thank you for your silly little email; we all hope you're feeling a little bit better now.

The Duke of Gloucester has been an effective an enthusiastic President of the IAM for more than 30 years and with his help and support the IAM has grown in both membership and influence to become the UKs foremost advanced driving organisation and a powerful force for road safety.

The Duke pleaded guilty and did not seek to plead mitigating circumstances despite the offence occurring immediately running up to the death of his mother, Princess Alice (who died in October). The Duke did not plead hardship, which many people in the same situation successfully do, in order to persuade the magistrates to allow them to retain their licences.

I note you say you are "interested in driver safety"; I'd be interested to know about your contributions.

The IAM is approaching its 50th anniversary. In all that time we've been looking for the perfect driver (you know, someone like you who never makes mistakes and has never, ever exceeded a speed limit.) Can we have a demonstration of your expert, perfect driving as part of our 50th anniversary celebrations ? We can hardly contain our excitement !! Or are you just another 'armchair expert driver' ?

Bryan Lunn
Chief Examiner
Mr Lunn,

Armchair expert driver, I may be, but I have yet to receive any
convictions while reclining in it.

Perhaps the Duke should also be presented with an armchair to drive, as it would help pass the time during his 6 month ban. I, for one, would feel much safer knowing that the Good Duke was sat indoors, turning an imaginary steering wheel and making Brrrm! Brrrm! noises.

It would be in keeping with the fact that the good Duke appears to
possess a child's grasp of the Highway Code, despite a 32 year
association with your august organisation.

thank you

Jason Kennedy

[this saga has given me an idea for The Institute of Advanced Armchair Motorists]


Blogger KarbonKountyMoos said...

Wow! Not only did you get a response - but a sarcastic/serious one. Keep us posted. What exactly does Mr. Lunn examine & who died & made him chief?

6:42 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

I love it! Where you you get the balls, I want some!!! xx

6:43 PM  
Blogger kingfelix said...

The balls come with practice. Too often, we police ourselves, and stay shrunk inside, afraid to act (how much better it would be to be afraid to do nothing).

Stay tuned for Fighting the Duke of Gloucester part II! i have a photo of Bryan Lunn to take your sweet breath away!

10:03 PM  
Blogger Claypot said...

Tell me you made up that reply. If that is for real it's OUTRAGEOUS! I await more tales from the IAM.

1:16 AM  
Blogger kingfelix said...

Clay, it's genuine. I can provide the original email as proof!

7:05 AM  
Blogger KarbonKountyMoos said...

Do you suppose that Lunn was in his cups when he wrote? He's far more amusing than the Duke!

10:56 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home