Monday, January 17, 2005

The Nazis

There has been much talk of Nazis this week, a lot more than usual. In a usual week, the Nazis hardly get mentioned at all. You hardly see any of them around anymore. They've all gone.

But! What if some of them haven't gone completely? What if they have gone underground? Picture the scene, a bunker somewhere deep inside the Amazon basin. There is a complex temperature control system, and rows and rows of Nazis in suspended animation, waiting for the right moment to awake and come above ground to assert their ideology again. Oh no! This is why I am ready and waiting for them, this is why I have my own Nazi outfit hanging up in my wardrobe, so I can go undercover if this apocalyptic scenario ever comes to pass.

Not that I think this is all that likely. But I am ready, are you?

Another lad who is ready is Prince Harry. Now, on the surface we appear to have little in common. He is red-haired, 20 years old, has lived a life of luxury and sits/stands third in line to the British throne. I, on the other hand, am black-haired, a creaking 32, grew up on a rubbish mound, and am a long long way down the pecking order for the British throne.

But! But!

Dig deeper and you will discover we have two things in common

1) We both dislike authority
2) We both have Nazi uniforms

The difference is I am not famous, and have never been invited to a "Colonials and Natives" party by a bunch of coke-snorting aristocrats (more's the pity). Personally, I would've gone dressed as a tiger, although the fear is always that some inbreed will pull out a shotgun after their 500th glass of champagne and decide to "procure myself a jolly good rug for the guest bedroom". This is why I would've gone as my second choice, a Zulu warrior.

I would not have contemplated going as a Nazi.

Now I must go and bask in my superiority, that I have made it through another week with not a single mention of myself in the world's media. Not easy when you're a completely nobody.

Sieg heil!

Please note: I don't really own a Nazi uniform, but this is what columnists such as myself, who are more in thrall to the idea of being punchy and fun than to hankering after the facts, do. We make stuff up. We are bad.


Blogger eyecandyforthebrokenhearted said...

You make me want to write better blogs.

6:39 PM  

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