Sunday, February 27, 2005

Blogger wants your money part 3

I am recovered from a weekend where I felt kind of off-colo(u)r. Having regained my health, I was almost deafened by the clamour for Part 2 of my series of reminisces on unusual means of transportation. So, like a painted whore, I now present for your delight my thoughts upon a journey I once undertook by recumbent bicycle.

Recumbent Bicycle

It was once my good fortune to be able to ride in a recumbent bicycle. For those innocent of such bicycles, let me take a moment to explain. Now, the common design of the bicycle is for the rider to sit topmost of the device, the legs pointed downwards, and thence, through the act of pedalling to propel oneself hither, and indeed, should the feeling take hold of one, thither.

The recumbent bicycle is a different beast. Here, the rider sits in a chair-like arrangement, the legs thrust out horizontally, and through pedalling, one is propelled towards the horizon while reclining in a more pleasing manner than the conventional cycle.

My own chance to ride a recumbent bicycle came while holidaying in Australia. On a long road at the edge of the outback, my party were issued with various forms of cycle, from the common bicycle, the staple of the circus, the unicycle, the tandem, the tricycle, and to my own weapon of choice that day, the recumbent bicycle. Before embarking we were invited to change into harlequin garb, sans Big Shoes, the wearing of which may complicate the pedalling, increase risk of injury dramatically, and therefore constitute a grave insurance risk.

We then set out.

What transpired was not a race, but a jolly perambulation, as we all wrestled more or less succesfully with our contraptions. For my part, I only went to ground once, in the process sustaining a grazed shin and a chipped tooth. My friend with the unicycle was less lucky, his umpteenth fall putting paid to his testicles, and his whines and wails of discomfort arousing the interest of a poisonous snake, which then delivered a full jolt of poison to his right ankle. He was taken away by air ambulance and not seen again.

But here I am, forgetting the most important part of that day. I was first across the line and won a lovely bottle of Australian wine. Happy days!


Blogger L said...

awesome. I want one.

9:41 PM  
Blogger kingfelix said...

To save anyone else asking if I went to Australia, the answer is No, this is all one giant fib

1:59 AM  
Blogger Ian said...

Of course the principle anatomic advantage of the recumbent bicycle is the fact that it distributes one's weight over both sides of the pelvis, rather than focusing all the pressure on the perineum, as with a normal upright bicycle. Thus using a recumbent helps one avoid compression injury to the pudendal nerve, and the consequent risk of impotence attendant with long hours on an upright bicycle.

12:22 PM  
Blogger kingfelix said...

Throws up some good marketing potential, Ian.

"Think of your testicles, ride recumbent, breed like a rabbit..."

I believe that the conventional bicycle and its effect on Chinese testicles during the daily commute has proved a grossly ineffective form of birth control (or, alternatively, there would be an extra billion or two Chinese today)

I rate this as one of those brilliantly effective inventions, in the same way that the broken elevators on the London Underground have toned the hips and thighs of London women (i don't really stare at the guybutt) quite magnificently.

12:57 PM  

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