Thursday, February 03, 2005

Extreme Unction's Wedding List

Yes, I'm getting married soon. There really isn't any time remaining, it will be on February 12th, in Alabama. Now, I don't know much about being married, but one thing I discovered was that people compile lists of gifts they'd like. So, over the next few days, I'm compiling mine, along with simple explanations of why I want each gift.

Item 1 - a phone that can make me sound intimidating!

Digital Voice-Changing Phone

G1: Digital Voice-Changing Phone

Among many other features, this easy to use device can make even the meekest voice sound intimidating. You can even use it to be your own secretary and avoid unwanted phone calls. Powered by a 9-volt battery and completely portable.

Price: $150.00

Reason for wanting this gift - My voice isn't very manly. Instead of a Barry White style bass rumble, my voice is more likely to shatter wine glasses. For this reason, I would love a Digital Voice-Changing Phone, so I could experience how it feels to call up and intimidate someone. And who would I intimidate? Anyone! Who cares!

It would also be great to flip between various voice settings during the course of a conversation, perhaps to enhance the dramatic nature of the subject being discussed, or simply to entertain. The possibilites are literally endless!

Item 2 - A jump hour watch

Price: $100.00

Reason for wanting this gift - Firsty, I should say what a jump hour watch is, for those who are not familiar. They are a side alley that Swiss watchmakers pursued briefly when digital watches first came on the scene. Basically, the minute hand roams, and the hour hand "jumps" when the hour strikes. They are eccentric and there's a wide range of weird designs, from art deco to positively space age. The one above is simply classy, it would look good on my married wrist.

Item 3 - Edge of Space ride in a Mig-25

Reason for wanting this gift - It would actually be much harder to come up with a reason NOT to want this gift, but the sales literature for this trip says it all beautifully (although may I add that you travel at speeds approaching 1800 mph).

"Cosmonaut Training includes a large amount of physical conditioning to acquaint cosmonauts and astronauts to the experience of spaceflight. Nothing, however, can simulate the view from space like the cockpit of a MiG-25 from a breathtaking vista of 82,000 ft (25 km). Nearly three times the altitude of Everest, your view directly overhead fades into the darkness of space. Below you, the curvature of the Earth is awesomely apparent, and the horizon is 715 miles (1100 km) across. Flying at Mach 2.5, or one mile every two seconds, is the most exhilarating experiences available anywhere."

Price: $20,000

This concludes today's selection of prospective wedding gifts. Any wealthy benefactors, or perhaps, anyone with good credit who would like me to be hurled into outer space, please email me at the usual address.


Blogger kingfelix said...

Testing the Blogger comment email notification thing. At ease, people. May I also take this opportunity to warn prospective Haloscan users that it nixes all your existing comments! it's horrible stuff and i spent an hour fighting off its ill effects!


5:20 PM  
Blogger KarbonKountyMoos said...

Well, congratulations on the upcoming nuptials!

Sorry that I don't have a spare 20 grand around. I don't even have a spare $20. Sigh...

I don't have any problem with the email post in blogger. I use blogger comments, too.

11:32 AM  
Blogger kingfelix said...

I was trying to get email notification of comments. the option was there in the blogger control panel all along.

oh well... a happy ending

11:57 AM  

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