Monday, February 21, 2005

Life in the Crash Position

I was talking to Hari today, he has launched a new blog. I thrive on interacting with Hari, he's great, and is just 19 years old. Just think, if I had the mentality of one of those Daytime Show freakazoids, I could just about be Hari's daddy.

I'm not Hari's daddy, and thankfully our relationship doesn't revolve around sending me webcam pics in return for items from his Amazon wishlist.

Hari has the depressing problem of belonging to a generation who are widely seen to expend the bulk of their energies on playing X-box and spreading sexually transmitted diseases. It wasn't like that in my day. We didn't have X-boxes. We also didn't have R n B stars encouraging everyone to get down, to gather in groups in tight clothing and rub crotches. We had Top of the Pops instead.

Now Top of the Pops has been moved to the wasteland of BBC2, unable to compete with megabucks videos rotating permanently on satellite channels. I, for one, am glad at its passing. Top of the Pops had become as embarrassing as watching your grandfather lining up to take part in the Olympic 100 Metres Final, his ancient addled brain still brimming with the belief "that I've a fair old chance of a medal"...

In my own teenage years, I never managed to experience any meaningful sexual contact (or meaningless sexual contact, come to think of it). This helps me identify with men who miss out on going to war due to congenital defects of the cornea or fallen arches. We were simply passed over for our healthier, fitter, rivals. While we may have been spared the horrors of the jungle, the searing heat of the desert, and the Zing! of bullets whizzing past our heads, we instead suffered the lonely silent agony of being confined to quarters, listening to Joy Division records and wondering what kind of God could be cruel enough to give us a fully functioning penis and a body-image that saw a two-toed sloth staring back whenever we dared to look in the mirror.

I'm thinking of this today, because of a conversation with Hari regarding the demise of Hunter S Thompson. This man will remain an inspirational figure for each new generation, so long as some of them continue to emerge from school able to read. This isn't to label young people as morons, but it's worrying that a report published just this week concludes that "a quarter of all children are still leaving primary school unable to read and write."

Thompson had courage, intelligence, a penetrating eye for detail, and a grand talent for causing trouble. He may have ended his days surrounded by peacocks and firearms, but he never popped up as a panellist on "I Love the 80s" or trying to sell us American Express; right to the end, he took no prisoners, and that is a fine legacy.

However, the one group of people no writer can speak to are the illiterate, and taken together, Thomspon's suicide and these appalling levels of illiteracy in British schools, this is a black day, indeed.

Oh, how much easier things were last week, when I felt like a toad.


Blogger Claypot said...

Hello! Sorry to hijack and go completely off topic, but if you're interested Feb 22 is 'the day' to post about the imprisoned Iranian bloggers. Info at:

4:25 AM  
Blogger kingfelix said...

I will look into this now. I am not sure what the Extreme Unction mindmush will do to such a weighty human rights issue.

Now, please step right up if you enjoyed this post, I sweated over it long enough, so spoon out the chocolate ice cream of praise until there's enough there for me to make myself sick.

4:34 AM  
Blogger kingfelix said...

Oh, I just looked at the Iranian page. Now, I know this sounds petty, but I am about to petition for my right to residence in the US, and I know Hannah will go mental if I post a supportive message about a country on the Axis of Evil, regardless of what the thrust of it is. So, for quiet and transparently selfish reasons, I will not post on this topic.

4:45 AM  
Blogger kingfelix said...

ah god, i can't phrase it right "supportive about axis of evil", i meant, really, anything related to Iran, even if it's just to say they knock out a mean line in chicken kebabs etc

(have mercy, it is 4 a.m. here and my throat is swollen like a baboon's ass)

4:47 AM  
Blogger Claypot said...

Hmmm. I can totally see why you wouldn't want to mention Iran on your blog (oops, we already did!). Several bloggers have already told me that US gov people are reading them. But isn't there something totally FRIGHTENING about the fact that if you posted about those guys you might get an app for US residency turned down? America would be great if it weren't for the government. Hope the Residencey thing all goes ok. Maybe you want to delete all these comments that mention That Country Beginning With I. I would like to comment on your actual post, but I think I have malaria again - head full of flashy lights and not able to contemplate much.

Oh, is your throat swollen like a baboon's ass because you are sick, or because of some other horrid reason that actually thinking about it now I don't want to know about it so just ignore the question. I have been close to a baboon's arse. It ain't pretty. It's also quite frightening. Get well soon.

6:13 AM  
Blogger Claypot said...

Durn. I hate when I make spelling errors. It's so uncouth. I have just spotted 'residency' with an extra 'e'. Sorry 'bout that.

Also vascillating (sp?) between arse and ass. Oh F*** it I am not well, must go now.

6:15 AM  
Blogger kingfelix said...

No need to delete. I am surely being paranoid. In truth, incurring the wrath of Hannah excites more terrifying prospects than what the govt might think!

My throat will continue to be crap until i get this tonsilectomy, whenever that will be. Get well soon, too.

6:22 AM  
Blogger gymnut said...

I have already covered this with you on a more one to one session. The Baboon's ass you refer to. It would be much better or not as distracting and influencial on your life if;
a/ you choose not to let it
b/ you discovered a method of harnessing an alternative state of 'flow'
c/ you were able to call on the 'flow' at any point to divert the mind and physiology from feeling like a serated bag of antelope testicles in the saharan desert sun.
I hope this may provide some insight into non drug / surgery related relief.

8:35 AM  
Blogger anan said...

ok, so i've got 31 different shades of chocolate here, with a swaghangs of whipped chocolate, a gallon of fudge syrup and a treefull of cherries on top. do you want nuts (antelope or otherwise) on that?
should be good for the throat.
don't worry; i'll make sure the iranian bloggers get some, too.

and Claypot, if it doesn't melt first!

10:22 AM  
Blogger kingfelix said...

i've got tonsils like cannonballs. the horror of it all. and the need to lose a few pounds needs i must say NO, sadly, to CAKE. poop!

8:28 PM  
Blogger KarbonKountyMoos said...

So sorry to hear about your tonsils. How are your adenoids?!

Just in case you're really paranoid.

5:02 PM  

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