Friday, April 01, 2005

Five things that mean a lot to me part two

The postal service.

Strange choice? Aren't all postal workers fools? People who go out of their way, sometimes quite literally, to lose anything someone took care to send you? Except for your quota of junk mail; they never lose your junk mail. And don't many people raise their dogs quite deliberately to traumatise the mailman/mailwoman, they obviously hold to a different view.

But, for EU, the thought of putting something in a box, watching it disappear, and then having it, hopefully, arrive somewhere else, it really is something. One of the best things about getting married was all the gifts and cards arriving from various parts of the world.

I would print my address here and advocate that anyone who wants to swap postcards sends me their details, but no, because, of course, in the Age of the Internet, people are paranoid about letting on just where they live. In case someone or other goes well past sending a letter or a parcel, and turns up in person, demanding things. And there are still letter bombs, anthrax, etc, that someone could send.

Now, letters and parcels are lost all the time, but letter bombs always seem to reach their target.Mail workers are notorious for kicking around and throwing mail in the sky and shouting, but you never hear of letter bombs blowing up in the post office. I can only conclude that the post office is perhaps more conscientous when a parcel is an exploding one. It certainly beats writing "fragile" or "do not bend" on the side.

"Careful with that one, Dan, we don't want it exploding before it reaches its intended recipient..."

You can also send drugs through the post. I don't know why more people don't send huge consignments to people they don't like.

"Let's see how half a kilo of heroin complicates his day!" (evil laughter)

Sometimes people post themselves. A man in England did this and was unrepentant when he was caught crawling out of his box in a parcel warehouse. He claimed he agreed to be mailed for a bet he made in a pub. "It was either this or the kids would get no Christmas presents" he snarled.

And in the US, a man mailed himself home via Federal Express. Sweet move. Shame he wasn't misdelivered... "Anything there for me, honey?" "No, Donald, but a guy in a box has arrived for me..." "Jeez, Edna, what have I told you about buying crap off of the Home Shopping Channel..."

It makes you wonder how many people are struggling to survive in boxes that have been lost by the US Postal Service, UPS, FedEx and the rest. Maybe they've formed a community and come out and hold dances, late at night, when the warehouse is quiet... and survive by stealing the chocolate from birthday parcels.

But for all this, I still love the mail system, and love receiving letters and packages, even if they are only cheap-o books from ebay. Bliss.

3 Comments:

Blogger anan said...

agreed. there is something really ethereal about receiving a real handwritten letter. I would love to send you a postcard. Email me.

Still... i wonder how we would know if the postman lost our junk mail??

9:20 AM  
Blogger kingfelix said...

point taken, but we don't have the luxury of sending OUR letters to a 1000 random people and hoping someone replies.

although if anyone wants to try...

10:08 PM  
Blogger KarbonKountyMoos said...

You know that I would gladly send you a postcard (or ten)!

We have a mailbox on our rural route - and it always a thrills to get something other than bills!

2:44 PM  

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