Monday, August 22, 2005

Take pity on me, for my foot it acheth...

I returned to the Social Security Office to collect my shiny new Social Security Number today. The office supposedly opened at 9 o'clock, but when we arrived there was already a legion of the needy stationed in the anonymous grey chairs, arranged into mind-numbing rows.

Insider knowledge of the full-time down-at-heel? Most likely.

People responded when their number was called. Some people seemed to be on disability; these folks had a particular way of rising from their chairs - slowly, with much grimacing and the issue of pained grunts. One such woman, a black woman in her 50s, had on an enormous white padded sock and took about 90 seconds to rise to a standing position. Another man performed a pronounced limp as he shuffled towards a window, it suggested something like an anvil had fallen on him during the 80s. There was also a 300 pound bushy-bearded baseball-capped bastard with a pot belly to shame a Vietnamese pig. This gentleman's disability issues could all be placed squarely at the door of one individual - Ronald McDonald.

"You just know he's going to sit next to us," I whispered. Providence intervened and he collapsed into the nearest chair.

We waited and waited. I looked long and hard at the photo portraits of a smiling George Bush and a smirking Dick Cheney, fancying that their eyes are where they locate the spy cameras, to check for dissenters.

I wondered what would happen if you sent a Donald Trump lookalike to sit down and await a chance to loudly voice his need for welfare payments. Cut to imaginary picture of an old man, teeth missing, saying, "Damn! Time's is hard for everbody!"

You're not wrong, my imaginary friend.

Tomorrow is my first day at the bookstore. I have to wear a red t-shirt that says "Yes I can help". I forgot to ask what I should do on days when I don't feel like helping. Is it okay for me to have a letter T on a velcro strip and just turn the legend into

YES I CANT HELP

Best not to reveal myself as multi-dimensional just yet, expect a first day report on the world of work tomorrow.

4 Comments:

Blogger banana said...

what really got me was the grimacing man with the big belly. you just know he was there for a bad back. anyone's back would hurt if their belly protruded three feet in front of them like that.

if i worked the social security windows, it would be hard for me to say.... hey buddy. you want relief from that bad back? lay off the mcdonald's hamburgers!

but instead he will get social security disability money and spend it all at mcdonald's.

maybe he's shooting for the world record in "how many feet you can get your belly to protrude."

10:18 PM  
Blogger L said...

sometimes I wished that I worked in a bookstore instead of at GiantMegaCorp... but then I realize how much I'd miss my cubicle :)

10:44 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

Don't forget the apostrophe. Maybe you can use a thumbnail sized version of the Sayings of Chairman Mao?

10:53 AM  
Blogger kingfelix said...

i thought carrying an apostrophe, i'd be sure to lose it.

10:56 AM  

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