Thursday, September 29, 2005

Creationists out of Gas?

I respect people of faith. I respect their right to dismiss the theory of evolution. I also believe it is right that they can choose to shelter themselves from outside interests who would seek to force views counter to the teachings of the Bible upon them.

Such as Gas Stations.

That's right. I would like to protect Creationists/Intelligent Design proponents by banning them, for their own safety, from the heretical use of fossil fuels.

After all, the very youngest fossils are at least 10,000 years old. Many are millions of years old.

"Young Earth" exponents insist that Earth is a maximum of 6,000 years old.

Oil, natural gas, and coal, all come from fossil material. Is it right to let God-fearing people have access to fuels that completely contradict their most deeply held religious beliefs?

I propose that Creationists make the switch to Faith-Based Fuels. Or, failing that, walk or use bicycles.

With the invasion of Iraq, it is an uncontestable fact that the US now has access to the world's second largest oil reserves. But for people of faith, people who simply cannot Belive in God AND fossils, there's another huge source of energy in Iraq, one that has been overlooked simply because it is, by its nature, a little squeamish. But why should faith-based people mind a little blood when they can serve God's purpose (to eradicate Muslims) AND keep their huge trucks purring along at the same time?

Ladies and Gentlemen, Extreme Unction presents:

Dead Iraqis - the new fuel of choice for faith-based people

If prayer has failed to start the engine of your 8 litre SUV, then do not despair! God, in his inifinite mercy has come up with a ready source of fuel for the family vehicle. Dead Iraqis. Yes, skinned, boned, cleaned, and finally, pulped, each dead Iraqi can produce an "energy harvest" of up to 2 pints of fuel. That's 240 to a barrel! The infrastructure is already in place for a simple switch over from carrying crude oil to transporting new DeadIraqi Oil.

While DeadIraqi may be a little more expensive at your faith-based pump, people of faith will have the satisfaction of knowing that they are burning the remains of heathen terrorists as they plough through traffic. Hell, switch to premium and burn off a few Sheiks on your birthday - person of faith, you've earned it!


I hope that this modest proposal will be accepted in the spirit of respect for Creationists/Intelligent Designers, and people of faith in America.

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Blogger Jim said...

Faith based fuels.

Reminds me of my Jesus days ... a song went, "Give me gas for my Ford, keep me truckin' for the Lord."


12:29 PM  

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