Wednesday, November 23, 2005

What brings you down?

Answer in the comments, here below is what brings me down the most:

AMERICAN SPORTS

Yes, nothing fills me more with the experience of living death than the eternity of any mention of AMERICAN SPORTS. Games that no-one else plays, with rules that no-one without a Ph.D. in American sports understands, played by people with steroid-pumped bodies and the brains of hamsters, in ridiculous costumes, in arenas decorated with formation-dancing women and hooting American zombie men, who all look the same, have same build, replica shirts stretched tight over wide fat bodies. Eating popcorn, even. Sport and popcorn don't mix.

Nothing on this Earth brings me down more than the terrible terrible spectacle of American Sports, nothing, child labour, mortar attacks, hailstones the size of cats, nothing.

THE OTHER HUGE BRINGDOWN - DRUG COMMERCIALS

Drug adverts are so prevalent on US TV that you need drugs to sit through them

"New, Relaxo, Relaxo is recommended for people who become tense while watching TV commercials for drugs. In tests, Relaxo users were 40% - 60% less irritated by drug adverts. Side effects may include nausea, increased agitation, uncontrollable purchase of drugs advertised on TV..."

NEW -> "Combine Anti-Purchax with Relaxo, stop yourself uncontrollably purchasing drugs while you relax. Side effects include driving your car while sleeping, donating all your money and goods to charity, attacking strangers..."

NEW -> "Bummed out on too much Relaxo and Anti-Purchax? Sold your house while you were asleep and then set yourself on fire while fighting a stranger?" YOU NEED -> Fantasex, the new drug that combats the misery brought on by ruining your life with prescription drugs. Just one Fantasex tablet will have you imagining that everything is FINE! Life tastes good with Fantasex, take two tablets and experience spontaneous orgasm. Side effects include suicide and death by heart attack preceded by trembling of limbs and loss of bladder control and bowels..."

TELEVISION OF THE FUTURE

The TV of future will have blood pressure cuff, defibrilator, oxygen mask, screen, and robot nurse. During in TV drug commercials, simply hit button and syringe slides out injects you, or pills are administered washed down by that month's sponsored soft drink. If you die while zapping drugs, TV transforms into industrial furnace, envelops body and incinerates you, deducting final transaction from bank account, wraps itself and UPS mails itself to your next of kin/final place of rest.

6 Comments:

Blogger banana said...

don't knock popcorn with baseball.

baseball is a very wonderful sport. The spirit of baseball is one of the few things in these days that makes me love America.

I guess sports is all about culture. what you grew up on.

however, i do hate hate hate American Football. That and listening to Sarah McLaughlin make make me want to jump off a bridge and just end it all.

Thank goodness the world doesn't revolve around American Football, or I would have been dead at 8 years of age, even though they would LIKE the world to revolve around American Football. Thank goodness, the rest of the world has good sense. I would have committed suicide long ago if it hadn't.

On another note, I think they should raise the basketball goals another 5 feet. Anyone who gets a thrill out of watching 8-feet tall men raise their arms up and place the ball in the basket without even having to jump should be taken off to fight in unjust wars. There is no worth in a person who could enjoy such a ridiculous spectacle.

6:08 PM  
Blogger kingfelix said...

quite right about basketball. in another 10 years, the players are going to be Crouching DOWN to drop the ball in the basket and the most common injury incurred will be BACKACHE

6:09 PM  
Anonymous jimbobjudas said...

re commercial drugs -

you may have seen this (it amused me for a few minutes anyway)

http://www.panexa.com/

9:09 AM  
Blogger kingfelix said...

thanks for that, hadn't seen it but it's good stuff!

11:54 AM  
Blogger straightfromthecask said...

As a foreigner (axis of what ?) but regular visitor of this interesting blog, I might say that I don't know what pisses me off the most, whatever the country : either it's how the media and authorities adress people like they were complete idiots, or the very fact that quite often I can't honestly say they're wrong.

12:27 PM  
Blogger kingfelix said...

i suppose this creation of idiots is what Burroughs wrote about, "Junk is the ultimate merchandise. The junk merchant does not sell his product to the consumer, he sells the consumer to the product. He does not improve and simplify his merchandise, he degrades and simplifies the client."

much of the problem is that the notion of "the public" changes with media such as books and television and radio, there's a great essay by Hilaire Beloc on how these media create a mythical "average person"

***

I notice a very curious thing in the actions particularly of business men to-day, and of other men also, which is the projection outward from their own inward minds of something which is called "The Public"--and which is not there.

For instance, the publisher will say, as though he were talking of some monster, "The Public will not buy Jinks's work. It is first-class work, so it is too good for the Public." He is quite right in his statement of fact. Of the very small proportion of our people who read only a fraction buy books, and of the fraction that buy books very few indeed buy Jinks's. Jinks has a very pleasant up-and-down style. He loves to use funny words dragged from the tomb, and he has delicate little emotions. Yet hardly anybody will buy him--so the publisher is quite right in one sense when he says, "The Public" won't buy Jinks. But where he is quite wrong and suffering from a gross illusion is in the motive and the manner of his saying it. He talks of "The Public" as something gravely to blame and yet irredeemably stupid. He talks of it as something quite external to himself, almost as something which he has never personally come across. He talks of it as though it were a Mammoth or an Eskimo. Now, if that publisher would wander for a moment into the world of realities he would perceive his illusion. Modern men do not like realities, and do not usually know the way to come in contact with them. I will tell the publisher how to do so in this case.

Let him consider what books he buys himself, what books his wife buys; what books his eldest son, his grandmother, his Aunt Jane, his old father, his butler (if he runs to one), his most intimate friend, and his curate buy. He will find that not one of these people buys Jinks. Most of them will talk Jinks, and if Jinks writes a play, however dull, they will probably go and see it once; but they draw the line at buying Jinks's books--and I don't blame them.

The moral is very simple. You yourselves are "The Public," and if you will watch your own habits you will find that the economic explanation of a hundred things becomes quite clear.

** read the whole thing here ->

http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext05/8flst10h.htm#public

12:36 PM  

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