Monday, December 19, 2005

The Extreme Unction Meat and Cheese Wind Tunnel Diner

Entry #1 in American Innovations Series

Having spent a year in the US, Extreme Unction is ready to take some of its ideas to market. The first service is the Meat and Cheese Wind Tunnel Diner, all your culinary desires satisfied at speeds of up to 150 miles per hour.



Strapped to a seat, the diner wears goggles and a shower cap. The wind tunnel is cranked and meat and cheese, mixed at the ratio of your choice, flows across the turbine blades. With your mouth clamped open, all you have to do now is relax and enjoy the thrill of a high-speed meat and cheese bombardment. Total mouth satisfaction in a Personal Food Tornado! Push buttons on the chair allow a range of condiments to be added, including steak sauce, ketchup, mayonnaise, and mustard.

Family bookings are taken. The Wind Tunnel Diner will seat up to six. Ask about our Children's Menu.

Operating at its regular setting of 100 mph, the Meat and Cheese Wind Tunnel Diner can dispense just over two tonnes of food in a five-minute session. Should the diner become completely stuffed full of food, and at risk of a Stomach Burst or Compacted Airways (where the lungs become completely filled with meat and cheese), a range of emergency medical cover plans are available upon request.

(Tomorrow: The Personal American Sports BubbleSuit - enjoy American sports without annoying other lifeforms)

** NOTES ON ABUSE **

I do not comment on any unknown blogs. However, from Technorati searches, I still find people on other blogs attacking Extreme Unction for unfathomable reasons. Most focus on my intelligence, or supposed lack of it, revealing some underlying concern with intelligence on the part of the attacker. Extreme Unction has never laid any claim to intelligence of any sort! Show me the evidence! And before dismissing or criticising my blog, please make sure that your own blog does more than link to that day's news stories, or, in the case of one offender, features your own hilarious caption of a photo of a man with a lampshade stuck on his head!

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